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Her thinking is fairly pervasive and a complete misread on most open marriages I know of.
In my mind, the challenge of sustaining the vitality in long-term relationships lies in fostering the opposite qualities of passion versus stability, and wildness versus predictability.
She stated flatly "No one enters their marriage expecting they'll open it." She assumed I opened my marriage because it was flawed.
Her concept of open marriage was that it was a patch job post "cheating"--a second best set up, built on the belief that passion fades, all relationships sour, and a series of necessary concessions have to be made, one of them being sex with other people.
There is a tipping point for me; to make it work I need trust, clear agreements, and lots of communication.
I've often imagined if my house or phone were tapped by surveillance cops, they'd sit in a bored stupor listening to hours of my husband and I conversing about the nuance of our feelings, needs, fantasies, thoughts -- they'd surely beg for the "good old days" of surveilling the mafia.
I am the last person alive who'd try extreme sports -- I can barely grasp the need to risk your life in an effort to feel more alive.
But there is an allure in the emotional skydiving of allowing your mate to be sexual with someone else.
I believe that the second wave of polyamory has a distinctly feminist bend to it.My interest lies in maintaining both ends of the spectrum, and openness in my marriage is one of the many tools I use to achieve this goal.Every open marriage is different, just as monogamous marriages are varied.But, as we explore who we are and what we desire, openness keeps the mystery alive between my husband and me.The morning after our first date with Bonnie and Bill, my husband and I were snuggling and talking about how surprisingly fun and drama-free the evening had been.